Okay, so we're talking about sex when you are teen and not married of course. Always, best place to begin is with what God says--the BIBLE, after all, sex was His idea in the first place.
1 Corinthians 6:18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.
God gives us instruction and laws to obey, not because He is mean, but because He wants the best for us. Sex outside of marriage is harmful to us and the other person involved.
When you are a teenager, it seems like it's what EVERYONE is doing. But the truth is that the wise are waiting for vows to be made, rings exchanged and their wedding night for that first experience of sex to begin.
REMEMBER: Sex out of marriage will hurt you more than it will ever feel good.
What can you do when you are pressured to have sex?
1). RUN. Physically get out of the situation. Like Joseph in the Bible, he ran out of His master's house when the master's wife wanted to have sex with him.
Make like Joe and GO! FAST!
2). Tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that if they really love you, they will wait. If they reverse it on you, "that if you love them, then you will" I suggest offering them the door and saying, find someone else to sleep with you and I'll find someone who will love me and my decision to wait.
3). Decide ahead of time. Make this as non-negotiable in your head (meaning it's not up for debate, arguing or being pressured) that you are not going to harm yourself or your boyfriend/girlfriend by having sex out of marriage. That's wisdom baby!
Sex out of marriage is dangerous, there are unseen injuries that are done that you might not realize are even hurting you. Statistically speaking, the more sexual partners you have the less likely your marriage will work. That's also why each marriage after your first marriage, has a higher and higher failure rate.
Think of your body like a piece of duct tape, the more you stick it to things, the less sticky it gets. It's best when stuck only once to something, that holds the most staying power. Why waste it on some turd in high school?
In all the emails I get, I've only received letters of heartbreak concerning those had sex and didn't wait.
Sex is like a fire. It's a beautiful and wonderful thing when it's keep in the safety of a fireplace (marriage), but if you put that same fire in the middle of the floor in your house, it will destroy beyond comprehension.
Sex throws out a million tiny little anchors into the other person, it's designed to do this. It's to be for life, to hold you together. But outside of marriage, it's will rip your very heart out of your body when you breakup with that person and you will FEEL that you are dying, the pain is that real. Sex is not a casual thing, the world will tell you that, but they are dead wrong. Sex is the most serious thing you can do with another person.
Well, what if you already did it? You can ask God to forgive you, to cleanse you from it and He will. He promises:
Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, let's settle this," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool."
The best advice I have is to be wise now, and wait until you are married to have sex. Even if you have already done it, you can stop and wait until you are married. You can have all the sex you want then, and studies show that women enjoy sex most when they are married and older than the teen years.
If a guy threatens to break up with you because you won't have sex with him, then he is not worth dating! If he REALLY loved you, he would respect your decision and not try to take what belongs to your future husband and you.
Remember that no boyfriend/girlfriend deserves ALL of you, they haven't made the covenant with you before God to have access to your heart, soul and mind.
Just say NO.
Your loving big sister, friend or cousin--however you would like to think of me. I share this stuff because I love you and don't want you hurt or to suffer.
Sex as a teen won't change your life into something amazing. You won't be prettier, taller, cooler or smarter. Just look at all the adults who are married and have had all the sex they wanted, they aren't any of those things because of having sex! Ha ha ha!
No matter what you have done, stop and wait for marriage before you give your whole self. You will be glad you did!
Huge hugs,
Tiffany
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years. We're both Christian and agree that sex is for marriage, and just that. But at times it can be difficult to not do anything with each other. What are ways to help avoid lusting for one another while dating? I would love to hear some ideas from your perspective. Thanks Tiffany! I love your blog posts, I always find them so inspiring! God bless :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Kelsey :-) well, I'm not sure how old you both are, but if you are over 18, have you talked about getting married at all? Three years is a long time to date and I can see why you are ready to take it to the next level, perhaps marriage? Here's a little Biblical wisdom on sex, for those who are 18 (a legal adult).
ReplyDelete1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Perhaps its time to consider marriage, rather than burn with passion and then do something out of marriage that hurts you both?
Our society acts like marriage is a horrible. But it's actually good for both the woman and the man, and there is tremendous blessing in marriage.
And finally, I have to commend you for waiting. You have done so well this far, I encourage you not to give up but to be strong in God and also consider marriage if you at least 18.
Huge love to you!
Tiffany
I'm 18 and he's 24 this month. We are definitely wanting to get married, but we were hoping to wait until I have finished my post-secondary schooling. We will continue to talk about marriage and figure out when the best time will be for us! Thank-you for your quick reply :)
ReplyDeleteGod bless!
-Kelsey
My husband and I dated throughout high school and college (5 years!) and got married after my second year of college. I have some helpful tips!!
DeleteStay in groups:
There is strength in numbers. Hanging out with your family, his family, your friends, etc will help in keeping some of that at bay. If you're alone together and the fire starts burning, call up some friends for a double date night!
Lights On:
In situations in which you are alone together, it's always best to have a well lit room. I don't know why, but it always seems easier to let your mind and such wander when it's dark.
Do productive things together:
While dating, my husband and I found that some of the greatest growing as a couple moments were not when we were alone and consumed with just each other (because it will consume you), but when we were working on something productive. Help someone move, put furniture together (reading instructions and working together are harder than you think!!), work on a project together, paint a picture together, volunteer together, help with the children's ministry together (volunteering to teach the little ones will definitely show each other your strengths for the future!).
Make God First:
Make time to study the Word together. My husband and I read a book called "His Needs, Her Needs" together as part of our marriage counseling. It seems like a weird book because it's about how to affair proof your marriage, but we absolutely loved it! We read it together, like sat and he read, and then I read, and we discussed it on the spot. It doesn't have to be this book, but just pick something out that's a good christ centered book, or even the bible, and read it together, grow together and learn. Closer to actual marriage, meaning engaged and things in the works, I suggest a book called "Sheet Music." It's great because there's the "before marriage" section, and then the after marriage section. It's very helpful for those of us who are trying to live outside the worldly values that say sex is no big deal. Always remember, it's huge!!
Hope this helped some and I didn't ramble too much!!
Dani
I agree. Im in my early 20s and i did not wait (it was not as great as i thought it would be). He then breaks up with me, tells me his with someone else. I felt like the world ending. I felt so alone and hurt all i wanted was a way out. I then found out things about him that i could not believe. I decided to turn to God and trust in Him. He is great He knows what He is doing even if we might not see it. I know He loves me, He gave me a new opportunity and i know He will bring someone great in my life. He wants the best for us :)
ReplyDeleteHi Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to the video you uploaded on Youtube? I wanted to watch it tonight because I didn't have time yesterday, so sad to know it was removed :(
I was getting death threats and decided to take it down to stop the crazies. I'm working on doing another one, actually a mini series on this subject because people who have been divorced and are dating again are facing the same challenges but are in a different season of their life. I'm also considering disabling comments but I don't want to shut out those who I can talk to and have a good conversation about the topic--yet weed out the hateful people...ahhh. I'm praying that God will show me what is His will and I will be able to do it with excellence.
DeleteOh nooo, that's scary! I never thought it would get that far! I thought it was just some hatred comments. Never would I imagine that people would even threaten you :(.
DeleteHow about if you approve the comments? That way people can still leave you normal comments and you can disapprove the hateful comments. But then that would be too much work. Sorry, I'm not being helpful here.
Hi Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteI have started reading your blog for a few months and I really want to thank you for taking time to help people by giving your precious advises. You’re truly helpful and generous. I’m 19 years old and I made some bad decisions in my life especially about friends and boys which I regret now. Thanks to you, I really understood what I want in my life and especially what is good for me. I am not very closed to my mother and what am I going to say, may seem stupid and absurd but, you are like a “mother” for me. My mother never took time to speak with me about boys or important things as sex and studies, but you did and after reading your posts, I am more self-confident because I know what is better for me, and what I have to avoid. You have been and you still are a great help to me about college and at the risk of repeating myself, about boys. I am single and I was a little bit a shame to still be alone and I was afraid to stay alone all my life, but thanks to your own story, I feel hopefull again. And it’s exactly the same things about sex, I am still virgin, and I felt “pathetic” and shameful just because I never had sex whereas all my friend already had! And, once again, your words help me to feel better and to be proud to keep this part of me for the Right man. You’re a model for me and I hope someday I will be able to be as good as you are in your life and with your husband, your children and your family. I am a non-believer and as I usually like to say : “Faith is a gift that I have not received” but mysteriously It’s not bother me to read all you write about God and I feel “ in peace” when I read it. So again, thank you so much for all you do. :)
Ps :I hope you will understand what I’m saying and I’m sorry if you don’t but I am french and I am still not a fluent english speaker.
Marine
Dear Marine,
DeleteWhat a heartfelt and kind message, I really appreciate you sharing from your heart to me. I feel that I'm always putting my little heart out there and it's such a blessing to hear from what's on your heart. And I'm honored that you would think of me as a "mother" figure. My desire is that I could warn those of the dangers I experienced, help those find healing in Jesus as I did, and go on to live life fully and with joy that might not have been otherwise theirs.
Now that I know you, I hope you don't mind I will be talking to God about you and asking for His blessing to be on you and for Him to show Himself to you in ways that will "gift you with faith" that is without end. You are so precious Marine, God loves you so much. I encourage you to just talk to Him, when you are laying in bed, just tell Him what's on your mind--even if it's just to ask Him if He is really there. You will be surprised at how He will answer you.
Here's a little encouragement for you, when I was about 22 and single, I was overwhelmed with loneliness. I felt desperate for love, I just wanted even a hug. So I prayed, and told God, "I wish you could just hug me right now." Then I walked outside and the most glorious, warm sunshine embraced me in a way I had never felt before. I say it was a "God hug" and I will never for get that day. I've never felt the sun warm me all the way to my heart like that before or ever again. I know God made that sunshine in a way that gave me a hug that day, when I needed it most.
I'm no special case, God loves you just as much as me or anyone. But the amazing part about God, is that it FEELS like it's just you and God in this wonderful, intimate relationship. He has even numbered the hairs on your head! He loves you right now Marine. Can you feel it?
Stay with me daughter ;) and I'll love you until the day I go home to heaven. Promise.
Thanks you so much Tiffany for taking time to read my comment. Your story about God and the sunshine is wonderful . It reminds me a day when I was in a pilgrimage in Assisi in Italy ( Yes, a non-believer in a Pilgrimage may seem strange, I was there to be with my friends, I know it’s not a good reason for going to a pilgrimage but anyway, I was there), we were in a chapel and my friends were praying and I was just standing up. I was feeling really really sad, I don’t remember why, I was staring into space and suddenly, I looked at a pane of a stained-glass window. The second after, I was like fill with joys, I don’t know how to explain it but I was very sad and the moment after, my sadness changed itself into a “ powerful joy”, I wanted to smile, I wanted to sing, I wanted to make people happy . I didn't understand what happened to me but I felt so good. I never speak about this moment with anybody because I didn't know what to say about it but now, may be if God was there, He just came to say “Hello, I’m here” ...
Delete(Back to the present) Today, it was one of those days ! I felt sad again and terribly lonely. I came back home without energy, I turned my computer on and I saw your message ... It was exactly what I needed to hear. No one could do it better, so thank you from the bottom of my heart, I will never forget. God may not have sent me a sunshine but He’s sent you and it’s priceless.
THANK YOU !
Well said, Tiffany. I'm going to forward your link to my "young adult" daughters.
ReplyDeleteAll the best and God bless :-)
Great Blog! What do you think about following each other?
ReplyDeleteMuch Love,
http://amyklundt.blogspot.com/
Dear Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteThank you for being willing to talk about issues that are so often swept under the carpet, esp. within the faith at times. I left my partner after ten years together the year and he was sexually deviant - it was never with me lol.
I've been a Christian five months now and still feel so broken from the past, especially because of sex. I thought I would marry this man but after ten years he had intention.
Sex has such a spiritual and emotional connection, people forget this until after the act! The devil tries ti deceive us too into believing this. I also have trouble controlling my body sometimes which upsets me as I worry I'll never be blessed with a husband to offer myself to him as a gift.
Yes people wait! it is a beautiful gift,sacrifice of self to the other under the love of God :-)
I pray the world stops being deceived as sees sex as it should be...and with God there is hope for me again.
Tiffany, Kandee and Shannon are more parental figures to me than my own. My family have.another there for me at all which is y I craved love from a man.
Thank you to the Johnson family for all your love fun care and honesty! You honestly help.me tosurvive!
Much love from Ireland xx
P.S. I'm still praying for you all since your father's passing ((hug)) but he's with our daddy in heaven :-) The most amazing place to be...xxx
DeleteI love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree!! I am so glad I am waiting and if people are not likeing it. I dont care because I am happy about my life's chocie with out them I wouldn't be where I am today!!
I want to thank you for your support of this and it make me feel so much more better about my decision!!
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS!! YOUR SO AMAZING JUST LIKE YOUR MAMA AND SISTER :) YOU GUYS ARE JUST SO FUN TO FOLLOW AND WATCH HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY !!!
How can I say no to sex w my hubby? Lol
ReplyDeletei agree wt u say but i washed a anoyher site its very marvaleous sayings
ReplyDeleteif u agree.................